If you’ve ever cared for someone living with dementia, you know that even the simplest parts of the day can become complicated.
A doctor’s appointment turns into an argument. A missing purse creates an afternoon of searching. A loved one who once managed everything independently suddenly needs help with everyday tasks but doesn’t understand why.
These situations can be frustrating, especially when you’re doing everything you can to provide the best possible care.
One thing I often tell families is that dementia caregiving is full of what I call “uh-oh” moments. Something goes wrong, we learn from it, and hopefully that experience leads to an “aha” moment where we discover a better approach.
We can’t prevent every challenge, but understanding why these situations happen can help us respond with more patience, preparation, and compassion.
Why Your Loved One May Resist Help
One of the biggest challenges families encounter is caring for someone who doesn’t recognize or accept his or her dementia diagnosis.
You may clearly see changes in your loved one’s memory, judgment, or behavior, but he or she may insist nothing is wrong.
Sometimes, people living with dementia recognize they’re facing difficulties and try to hide their mistakes. They might withdraw from social activities or avoid situations where others could notice their difficulties.
This can be especially frustrating for family caregivers who are trying to keep their loved ones safe.
But continually reminding someone of his or her diagnosis or pointing out what he or she can no longer do isn’t always productive.
Instead, focus on understanding the disease, anticipating changes, and finding ways to work alongside your loved one.
I always remind caregivers that dementia is a journey you have to join. We can’t expect the person living with dementia to experience the world exactly as we do.
Small Changes Can Make Difficult Days Easier
Many of the obstacles families face have practical solutions. Sometimes, the answer is surprisingly simple.
- When medical appointments become a challenge
Getting someone with dementia to the doctor can be exhausting. Your loved one may resist leaving home, become overwhelmed by the outing, or simply refuse to cooperate.
Consider whether a physician or nurse practitioner could provide care at home. Another option is combining necessary appointments into one trip rather than scheduling several separate outings.
While that might make for one busy day, it can reduce the number of difficult transitions for both of you.
- When important belongings keep disappearing
I often use the example of a woman who always carries a black purse. It’s something familiar and comforting to her, but she frequently misplaces it.
When the purse disappears, she becomes distressed, and the entire family ends up searching for it.
What if you had two identical purses? Having a duplicate means you can quickly provide the familiar item while looking for the missing one.
The same idea can apply to other belongings that are particularly important to your loved one.
- When your loved one refuses assistance
Sometimes, the way we offer help creates more resistance than the task itself.
Someone who has spent his or her entire life making his or her own decisions may not understand why another person suddenly wants to take over.
Rather than repeatedly telling your loved one what he or she needs, consider how you can involve him or her in the process.
Asking for your loved one’s help instead of offering yours can sometimes make an interaction more successful.
The goal isn’t to win an argument. It’s to find an approach that works. Take that black purse example a little further. To the family, it might be just another misplaced object. To the person living with dementia, it may be the familiar item she always carries and feels she must have nearby. Searching for it while she becomes increasingly distressed can turn an ordinary afternoon into a difficult one. A second matching purse doesn’t solve forgetfulness, but it can make the immediate situation easier while everyone looks for the first one. The same principle is worth considering for other especially important items.
There’s also a difference between refusing a task and refusing the way a task is presented. Someone who has always been independent may not see why a family member is suddenly making decisions for him or her. The outline encourages caregivers to know their agendas without forcing them. Rather than insisting you’re there to take over, find a way to ask for your loved one’s help and let him or her participate. This changes the tone of the interaction without turning it into a contest over who’s right.
Preparing for Safety Concerns before They Happen
One of the more frightening possibilities for families is wandering. Not everyone living with dementia will wander away from home. But as I frequently remind caregivers, people don’t wander until they do.
That’s why preparation is so important. Families can consider door and window alerts, outdoor cameras, and tracking devices to help them recognize when a loved one has left home.
I remember a gentleman who used outdoor cameras to determine when his mother had gone outside. Knowing exactly when she’d left gave the family a starting point for responding to the situation.
Safety planning also means looking closely at everyday activities. Is your loved one using the kitchen safely? Could he or she accidentally leave an appliance running? Is he or she making decisions that might increase the risk of falling?
And perhaps most importantly, would your loved one know how to get help if something went wrong?
These are questions worth asking before an emergency occurs. An outdoor camera helped one gentleman establish when his mother had left the house. That detail mattered because the family could begin with a timeframe instead of wondering whether she had been gone for minutes or hours. A camera alone doesn’t prevent wandering, of course, but combined with door or window alerts and a tracking device, it can become part of a plan. The point is to make that plan before the first incident, not while everyone is frightened and trying to work out what happened.
Unsafe tasks need the same forward thinking. A stove left on, a risky movement through the home, or an inability to call for help may show that the current setup no longer provides enough support. When possible, introduce changes early and gradually. As short-term memory becomes more affected, new equipment and unfamiliar routines may be harder for someone to use.
Knowing when Living Alone Is No Longer Enough
Families often ask me how to know when it’s time for a loved one to receive more care or move into a different living environment.
I encourage them to evaluate two things: safety and quality of life. A person may be managing to stay home without experiencing an obvious emergency, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all his or her needs are being met.
Is your loved one eating well? Staying hydrated? Participating in meaningful activities? Spending time interacting with other people?
There’s a difference between surviving and thriving. Someone might be getting through each day with minimal assistance while missing out on the stimulation, purpose, and personal interaction that make life fulfilling.
Sometimes, additional help at home can make a meaningful difference. Other times, families may need to consider a more supportive living arrangement.
The important thing is to look at the whole person, not just whether he or she is physically safe.
Aging in place can present a few challenges for seniors living with dementia. However, with professional dementia home care that offers Columbus families peace of mind, they can still live independently at home. Families can rely on Assisting Hands Home Care to provide their elderly loved ones with mental and social stimulation, timely medication reminders, assistance with meal prep, and much more. Our caregivers are available around the clock to help your loved one live a happier and healthier life.
When Caregiving Becomes Too Much for One Person
As dementia progresses, personal care needs often become more demanding. Bathing, dressing, and incontinence care can present challenges that families didn’t anticipate.
For some, the difficulty is physical. An older spouse may want to provide all the necessary assistance but no longer have the strength to do so.
For others, the challenge involves personal boundaries. An adult child may be comfortable helping with meals and transportation but uncomfortable providing intimate personal care for a parent.
Recognizing these limits is important. Caregiving is about supporting both the person receiving care and the person providing it. That means understanding when additional help is needed.
I encourage every caregiver to think about what he or she is physically capable of doing, can handle emotionally, and is willing to take on.
And don’t forget about the people around you. When someone offers to help, give him or her an opportunity to do so. Building a support system allows you to rest, recharge, and continue being present for your loved one.
Picture an older couple in which one spouse is living with dementia and the other is determined to handle every part of care. Both are aging, however, and the caregiving spouse may no longer be physically able to provide the help needed with personal care. Willingness and ability aren’t always the same. Another family might face a different limit: a son can manage meals, appointments, and daily routines for his mother but is uncomfortable assisting with intimate dressing or incontinence care. Neither situation is solved by telling the caregiver to try harder. They are reasons to reconsider who can safely and comfortably provide which parts of care.
Whether you need respite from your caregiving duties or your aging loved one needs Columbus 24-hour home care, Assisting Hands Home Care can meet your family’s care needs. Our dedicated caregivers are available around the clock to provide transportation to doctor’s appointments, ensure seniors take their prescribed medications, and help with a variety of tasks in and outside the home.
Remember: You Don’t Have to Be Right
One of the simplest questions I encourage caregivers to ask themselves is, “Does it matter?”
When someone living with dementia remembers something incorrectly or tells a story that doesn’t quite make sense, our natural instinct is to correct him or her.
But not every misunderstanding needs to become a disagreement. Sometimes, listening and allowing someone to feel heard is far more valuable than proving a point.
The more we understand about dementia, the more we can adjust our expectations and reactions.
Caregiving will always involve unexpected challenges. But with preparation, flexibility, and support, those difficult “uh-oh” moments can become opportunities to discover what works better.
And that’s something worth remembering on even the hardest days.
The type of home care Columbus seniors need can vary. Some need assistance a few hours a day, while others require more extensive around-the-clock assistance. At Assisting Hands Home Care, we tailor our care plans based on each senior’s individual care needs, and the plans can be adjusted at any time. We are a trusted provider of respite and 24-hour care, and we also offer specialized Alzheimer’s, dementia, Parkinson’s, and stroke care for seniors. Call Assisting Hands Home Care today to learn about our high-quality in-home services.
Want to learn more about dementia and the challenges families face along the journey? Join me for my monthly Real Talk webinar, where I take an in-depth look at a specific dementia-related topic. Click here to learn more and register.
